You ask; what if I dont love you forever? What if your weirdness sets me off, and for reason I leave...how do you know?
I think you ask me these questions because, your afraid. I understand, but I think we are two people who will work it out no matter how high the tide becomes. We will be those old couples who compain about things, but at the end of the day, lay in bed at night and thank God for blessing us with our pefect mate.
Because although you sweat alot, and your feet may stink, and I am not the most graceful person, and sometimes I do pass gas on accident..
At the end of the day
You are my fate
Forever I will love you
I will never hesitate
From our past lifetimes till the next. I am yours.
Since I doubt you, or anyone else reads anyones blogs, I am gonna vent here in this space for now.
Since you last saw me, I have many new scars. Mutilation on my thighs, arms, it was just the begining you and I. Maybe you think I wasn't as bad as you thought.
So while you sit there, thinking you were the one going through hell, waiting on me; seeing past my "lies" and half truths, you dont know that half of it.
I may seem fine, but I am almost always 2 secs away from tears. Missing you, needing you, while you speak to me about how you need to take your time. And, for all good reasons, I say I understand, but you dont know the half of it.
Although I enjoy you venting about her, and those guys at work, sometimes, I scream inside just to have you ask me if I am OK. I want you to see that even behind my "i am fines" I am really NOT OK, but you dont know the half if it.
You speak about old songs we once thought of as ours that cross your mind when they come beem on the radio, but I wheep at every song because it reminds me of you, and us, and shoulda woulda coulda's but I dont tell you these things because you think you know, however; you dont know the half of it.
You dont know what I have been through, and reasonably argued it is my fault, but you my love dropped me when I needed you most. So, I know you like to say you know me, but you don't know the half of it.
I shouldnt have to beg you, or bend and twist your arm to want to see me. You are my anchor, and no matter how far the sea may make me wander, you are always there to keep me from drifting. However it seems like you let up. Made eyes at another boat, and now yoy feel the need to hold that boat down. In every way you think you are doing me a "solid" by being there now. Distant but still there. You think that your 30 min phone calls from work make up from your blocked number on my phone when you call in your free time. But again my love, you dont know the half of it.
Maybe if you asked and perhaps truly wanted to get into my emotions, my head and the rest of my heart, you would ask about the rest and not settle for the half.
People say always and forever, but they dont mean it. They promise they are different and we will be different, but were not. At the end of the day, I am alone. Can you say the same? No...clearly not.
I dont like being in the backseat. I want to be held and told that everything is going to be ok. Is that alot to ask? Proably...
I am going to stop reaching out to people who I feel I am a bother to. *nods*
I have had the most trecerous past 6 months. I need you back in my life...whatever way humanly possible. I have realized the importance of my life, and I wish I could do many things over again. I know sometimes its too late, but one can hope right?
Well...I hope so. I have started...believe it or not.
Previous PostsForever I will love you, posted August 12th, 2014
The half of it, posted August 11th, 2014, 1 comment
Being the Casuality of love ....not just thinking about it, posted August 3rd, 2014
I am...here The Wife., posted July 31st, 2014, 4 comments
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